I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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