It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He shit in the fireplace
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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