I'm so fucking centered right now
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
