I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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