The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
