How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
