She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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