I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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