69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
