New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
