i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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