if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
