i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
