So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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