You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
