We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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