The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So here I am, sexting at work.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
