just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
