Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
