I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize