im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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