I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
