my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So vagazzling was a success
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
