I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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