i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
