those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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