I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
