p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
