oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Blood and glitter go together right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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