I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
