I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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