Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
