Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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