for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
