walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm always down for nudity.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
