what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
