Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
