That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
