I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
