So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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