my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
