he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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