Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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