Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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