I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
