please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
