I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
