Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just high enough for therapy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
