i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
