erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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