Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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