Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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