sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
