until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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