i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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