dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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