the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
