I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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