Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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