i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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