so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
