So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
its not stalking. its research.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
