Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
